Do My Gratitude Lists Make You Cringe?

Are everyone's this embarrassing?

Nov 23, 2022

Good morning! Happy Thanksgiving Eve to those of you who celebrate. In honor of the holiday, I thought I’d share a handful of gratitude lists I kept over the summer.

I give thanks informally—meaning “in my head”—on a daily basis. But in times of acute stress, I tend to write out my lists before bed. (The lower my mood, the more likely I am to enthuse over a cozy comforter or the kindness of strangers.)

The notes that follow were recorded during a particularly challenging period for my father and me. They’re more than a touch desperate and embarrassing—proof of how utterly ridiculous the act of practicing gratitude can feel at times—but I have such affection for the Me who wrote them. She was struggling, but she put up a good fight.

Nonetheless, prepare to cringe …

1. “Pink Sheet Pans!” (July 17, 2022)

I don’t list a ton of material objects on my gratitude lists, but these pink sheet pans from Great Jones brought me a stupid amount of joy. Something for your holiday wishlists?

Other notes:

“Improvement in my cough.” This refers to the cough I’ve had for literal years, not the cough I had when Covid finally came for me at the end of May 2022.
“My support group.” I go to a support group for dementia carers. If you’re new to caretaking, you might want to consider finding one, too. (If you’re caring for a person with dementia, you can start by reaching out to your local Alzheimer’s Association for recs.)
“Otis, always.” Otis is my dog. He’s the sweetest.
“Top Gun 2.” The movie really was that good.

2. “Myself <3” (July 19, 2022)

Oh no. This is like when I used to sign my journal entries “love, Patti,” only my excuse then was that I was a teenager. I went on to end all of my summer ‘22 gratitude lists this way. Humiliating.

Other notes:

“The fact that my dad took his [medication] without incident.” This was a big win!
I use a lot of exclamation points on these lists!
“GPS in car.” Really, though, how did people get around before GPS?

3. “The leftover vegan alfredo (and that recipes like this exist! vegan food has come so far)” (July 22, 2022)

Here’s the recipe I use, from Minimalist Baker. Unfortunately, I read this week that vegan food (or at least the plant-based meat industry) is in peril. Sorry for jinxing things.

Other notes:

“The beach day with daddy.” I complain about living on Long Island, but beach days are a major perk.
“That both my grandmas are alive.” I am indeed grateful that both my grandmas are alive, but I regret using an apostrophe in my written entry.
“The time to watch True Romance with Lane tonight.” Lane is my boyfriend. He’s a cutie.
“The fact that I got accepted into the Columbia Age Boom Academy.” I completed the Age Boom Academy this fall and wrote about some of my learnings here, here, and here. More to come!
“Target. I love it there. :)” My, how things have changed.

4. “Ethan Hawke + artsy types like him (not pretentious so much as passionate!)” (July 25, 2022)

Ethan Hawke is definitely pretentious, so I’m not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this—that he’d see it? Still, he’s pretentious in the best way possible and I love him. (He might see this!)

Other notes:

“My innate desire for personal growth.” Oh my.
“Possibility (all sorts).” ALL SORTS!
“Self-help (when not preying on people).” Always on the lookout for toxic positivity.

5. “My dad’s smile” (August 2, 2022)

Daddy! What a smile. I think and write a lot about how my father’s sickness has affected me, which makes sense—it’s my experience. But dementia is, first and foremost, something that has happened to him. And, still, he smiles.

Other notes:

“Bed pillows.” I wonder if bedding/pillows show up on these lists so much because I write them in bed?
“The Elvis movie and Elvis himself. What a talent. What vulnerability and soul.” Wow, I was really kissing Elvis’s ass! Who did I think he was, Ethan Hawke?
“Sofia + Rocky — the future!” Sofia and Rocky are my cousin’s kids. They’re 12 and 16, and they give me so much hope.

Okay, I’m off to bake cookies and watch Lindsay Lohan’s Falling for Christmas. However you spend this holiday weekend, I hope you’re happy—or at least putting up a good fight.