I feel this deeply. I am a carer in my 30s for my mom, who is recovering from a major stroke this summer. My brother is traveling and falling in love and hosting Halloween parties; I’m crying in the car and trying to deal with insurance, rehab, meds, and scheduling. Sometimes I’m angry. Mostly I’m deeply sad that accidents of birth order + geography + gender mean that the world feels open for him and closed for me. I love my parents - it’s an honor to be of service to them. But I didn’t think that their care would take over my life yet.
Thanks for sharing, KellyAnne. Your situation sounds so hard, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I think your point about accidents of birth order + geography + gender is a really interesting one. Even though, like you said, it’s an honor to be of service to your parents, maybe it can also feel a little bit like “tag, you’re it.” The sibling dynamic is also incredibly hard to navigate, especially at the start of the caregiving experience, when you’re just establishing your roles and learning what the other is/isn’t willing to do. Resentment city!
I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you the best. Hope to hear from you again.
I feel this deeply. I am a carer in my 30s for my mom, who is recovering from a major stroke this summer. My brother is traveling and falling in love and hosting Halloween parties; I’m crying in the car and trying to deal with insurance, rehab, meds, and scheduling. Sometimes I’m angry. Mostly I’m deeply sad that accidents of birth order + geography + gender mean that the world feels open for him and closed for me. I love my parents - it’s an honor to be of service to them. But I didn’t think that their care would take over my life yet.
Thanks for sharing, KellyAnne. Your situation sounds so hard, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I think your point about accidents of birth order + geography + gender is a really interesting one. Even though, like you said, it’s an honor to be of service to your parents, maybe it can also feel a little bit like “tag, you’re it.” The sibling dynamic is also incredibly hard to navigate, especially at the start of the caregiving experience, when you’re just establishing your roles and learning what the other is/isn’t willing to do. Resentment city!
I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you the best. Hope to hear from you again.
"Loss can be unfathomable. It can be manageable. But it’s rarely predictable, and it comes for all of us." -- this is incredibly well-put, Patti.